since ‘Things I Learned While Abroad’ was published.
Well hi to you too, WordPress. Fancy updates you’ve got yourself here – I like it. I have a few of my own too, ready?
I graduated from Drake, interned a summer, started a full time job, learned what heartbreak feels like, bought a condo, met my best friend and successfully broke my own broken heart thrice more. There’s so much more to tell, but I’ll save those tales for a rainy day.
Tears came to my eyes when I opened my last blog post. Number one key learning from studying abroad: love yourself. Thank you Justin Bieber for adding a melody to this phrase late 2015. Great timing jbiebs, I’ve spent nearly all of 2016 contemplating this concept. So I think it’s safe to assume I never really learned it while abroad. So classic of me, assuming I know the meaning of life, even openly broadcasting it. Actually, I don’t think I’m wrong. I think I’m right. But knowing is one thing and living is another.
You’re wondering what the fuck I’m doing. I’m really just hoping that no one reads this in the immediate future. Simultaneously, I’m hoping against all hope that someday my babies’ babies will read this and wonder what it was like to be me, right here in 2016 as they travel across the U.S. in a flying car on family vacation. I’m also hoping to look back and read this one day and have a good laugh. Or on a bad day, a good cry. Finally, I’m hoping family road trips never go out of style.
I’m learning so much about myself, including the fact that I suck at journaling. Transcribing shit that’s on my mind on to page really doesn’t do me much good. I’m decently honest with myself at best. At worst, I’m faced with a visual representation of a confused stream of consciousness, leaving me more confused.
Here, at least I’m forced to align things in a decently shaped format with the understanding that somehow, someday, someone is going to read it so I should do my best not to sound totally crazy.
I have been reading a lot about habits. These habits that become who we are. Hab it and bit it, repeat it. Sounds like a rap song. I’ve measured my life through periods of good, stringent habits and then bad, completely uncharted habits. In fact, the habit of going back and forth is itself a habit. What a fucking roller coaster, amirite?
And I’ve taken countless souls along for the ride. For the most part, I think my passengers enjoyed it. But I don’t think I’m all that in tune with myself as a conductor. In that, I don’t really believe I have control. Try as I might, my ride thrives on the notion that the next turn is simply beyond my control – and I try. But you see, I just don’t believe I can really make it happen. So herein lies the difference between knowing and living: belief.
How does one stumble upon belief? How do great thinkers create change? I don’t really want to listen to another TED talk on the topic, or look to external entities to supplement my lack thereof. I really just want to understand myself, and create my own definition of belief and to really feel it.
I have also been reading a lot about creative thinking, so I’m going to build the foundation of my belief on these two cornerstones–balanced habits I need to keep myself in check and a solid dose of creative disruption I know I crave. I’m competing with every version of myself that’s ever come before me and I’m going to win.
Do you realize you’re shaping the you for the rest of forever? Do you believe you have the power to bring what you know to life? Can I get a “hell yeah”?